Taking Control of My Life Despite Attacks by Russian Commandos and Tyrannosaurus Rex
The dream starts out in the neighborhood where I grew up–I was walking up nearby streets Thurman Ave and Sheridan Ave in Hyattsville, MD. My house seems to be locked up, no one was home, and, apparently, I did not have a key – like I didn’t belong – detached feeling.
Then my mother’s car pulls up- 1970 Blue Impala we used to have. We are supposed to be going to a family party or picnic at Patsy’s, my mother’s first cousin. I think I had gone to pick up some groceries at the store for the picnic. However, there is no interaction between us.
Then I am walking through a wooded area backpacking with old friends from college, and we were heading for the picnic. We are in a pine forest, and we begin to enter into a small village or town where the houses are planted along this path and embedded amongst the trees.
The houses are supposed to be in France– a French village – but I noticed they have an American West 1870s and 1880s style design. I snidely comment to my friend “What? Are we supposed to be in western France?” because the different styles did not seem to go together. I made the comment quietly, afraid that I might offend the architect or the homeowners.
At the end of the village, we finally came to Patsy’s house and farm.
The food is out on a table, and I put the ham I had bought on the table–it was a canned ham, and I am embarrassed about that. In fact, it had already been opened and partially eaten.
We are sitting around after eating having a discussion– There were just a few people sitting around on Adirondack chairs. I bought an American flag to the party, and it was flying with a couple other flags. My mother was criticizing me about flying the flag because it was very windy and the flags were blowing hard and snapping in the wind. But, I felt like that was what flags were supposed to do.
Then there is an argument about Russia–I am commenting on how Vladimir Putin is behaving–referencing the fact that he blew up his own people in apartment buildings in Moscow and blamed it on the Chechens as a pretext for going to war and bombing Chechnya (which Putin did in reality). Someone makes the argument that Obama does the same thing, and I say that that is ridiculous. I argue that if an American president were caught killing one innocent citizen, the Americans would throw him out of office; therefore, Obama could not have done any such thing.
Suddenly, our family party is attacked and seized by Russian commando terrorists who take us prisoners and put us in a large tent. I am at the rear of the tent, and there is a flap which I open to see what my chances of escape are. The terrorists are dressed in black paramilitary uniforms and have submachine guns. The guard sees me open the flap and comes over to threaten me. My mother pretends to be attracted to him and brushes her hair with her brush and makes it frizzy and flashes her eyelashes at him and the pressure is off. I think that that was quick thinking on her part.
Then there is some type of helicopter escape. Subconscious did not have scale figured out to get it right first time.
Then the scene switches to where a boat appears to rescue– hundreds of people escaping, it is big enough to rescue everyone.
But then, everyone is really in a movie theater. Apparently, everything in the dream had been a movie all along. Other moviegoers’ think the movie is over the most people get up and start leaving the theater.
But I stay in my seat watching the credits and then all of a sudden the movie and dream start up again.
A father and son are driving an 18-wheel flatbed truck down a side road heading towards a nearby freeway entrance, but the son misses the freeway entrance. As we pass the exit, I can see that the entrance was a gentle grade sloping downward making it easy to get on the highway. I am now the son in the dream; we drive down to the next exit, but there is major freeway construction going on. A sign says traffic is not allowed through the construction zone–but for some reason, like it’s an emergency, we have to make it through – there will not be another chance, so we decide to go through the construction zone anyway – a construction worker waves us through and I felt relief.
We have to wait for several other vehicles to get onto the ramp–I let another truck go and then it is our turn. There is a small incline or hill we have to go over, but we can’t make it. The truck loses its power; the transmission is shot. I feel bad because we had missed the first entrance to the freeway which would have been easy for us because the ramp was just a smooth downhill ride.
We are stuck, and it seems we will not be able to make it. Then I see an extremely tall crane–apparently our mission was now to recover the American flag from the picnic that the Russians had taken.
The crane goes up very high, and the flags are at the edge of the ravine. I think we can use the crane to reach over and grab the flag. We are talking to construction workers, and now my father is gone, and I am in there with my son.
I start telling the construction workers the story about my father’s artillery position as part of the VIII Corp when the Battle of the Bulge broke out Dec, 16th, 1944. Their artillery position was overrun by German troops early in the battle. Many men in his unit were killed or captured. It was completely dark and snowing heavily, but from flashes of other artillery and gunfire, you could see some of the action. He and a friend of his were under orders to blow up their guns, 8-inch howitzers. As they tried to destroy one of the guns, in a flash of light my father saw his friend’s head blown in half, he could see his brains sliding out of his skull.
My father somehow managed to fight his way out of the attack. He remembered getting in a hand-to-hand fight with someone in the dark and shooting him point blank – he was pretty sure it was a German. I started to cry for my father as I told the story in the dream because I felt so bad for him that he had to go through that and the memories of it for the rest his life.
The next thing I know we are on top of the crane, and we can see the flag. Somehow the crane and the helicopter become one, and the cabin of the crane is able to fly back towards the farm and the flag. The crane part stretches like rubber with the crane still mounted on the ground.
Just as we are about to set down on the farm, the machinery gets out of balance there’s too much weight that is off the center and the crane starts to twist and crash flying wildly all over the place. We use the power of the helicopter to make it completely over the deep part of the ravine. The cab/chopper goes crashing down, as if we had been catapulted, into the jungle on the other side of the ravine. It is another world over there; this is not Patsy’s farm anymore. Everyone else is safe inside the bubble/cabin of the crane/helicopter, but I am underneath on the outside under the landing gear of what is like a large spaceship now.
I stick my head out to see where we are and a huge dinosaur, T- Rex, is out there waiting for me–I am running from side to side underneath the craft as a T-Rex is circling trying to catch me, but his head is too big to fit entirely into the opening.
Then a larger dinosaur or creature comes and eats the T-Rex. This one is way too large to get under the bubble shaped craft, so I felt kind of safe for a bit. We crashed somewhere just outside a high-tech bunker with the control tower covered by jungle. Someone in the command center is ignoring our plight because of some grudge.
The guy in charge finally sends out help, and the chief programmer from where I used to work comes out with two assistants who are like suppose to be Russian geniuses–they follow the programmer out of the steel door – the kind of door a bank safe has with a wheel to turn to open. The rescue party does not seem to be aware of the situation or the danger that exists. As they are walking across a steel walkway leading from the door, one of the geniuses is immediately grabbed by the larger T-Rex – I can see the poor guy through a window, and he is petrified in sheer terror as the T-Rex is about to bite off his head.
Finally, everybody is released from the capsule. We went into the command center, and I am serving food to the survivors –it is a huge crowd. A call comes in from the control tower, and they need me up there to make a decision. Therefore, I have to make a decision as to whether I should continue to feed the survivors or go to the control room. I think that if I run fast enough, I can get back before things get out-of-control, so I make a beeline for the control room.
However, I immediately get stuck in a traffic jam of other survivors just coming into the command center. We are going down a huge circular wrought iron stairway, and I realized I won’t be able to get back to the food line in time. Finally, I get to a passage that leads up, and I am the only one going toward the control room so the path is clear and I am running up the stairs. I seem to realize that when I get to the control room, I will be by myself, alone.
T-Rex – Psychoanalytic Dream Interpretation
The dream starts out where I am around the neighborhood I grew up in with detached feelings as if I did not belong. This represents the feeling I have that I did not connect with anyone on a real level at home. Motions had to be faked or suppressed as if they did not exist.
While writing this, a memory came back to when my father went into a rage pushing me around the living room yelling and screaming at me. The reason for this madness was that I had feelings about not being accepted by my schoolmates when I was about 12, and I was whining to my mother about it. My father overheard us and his solution was to beat and shove me around. The attack came out of nowhere; I didn’t even know he was there or listening. While shoving me around, he was screaming about an incident where fellow soldiers beat him during WWII for crying after they had killed quite a few women and children in a German town after shelling it. I assumed this was supposed to be a lesson that boys are not supposed to cry.
There was also an additional humiliation over this because at that time we had relatives staying with us from out-of-town and I had to walk past them to get to my bedroom. Something tells me I probably did not sleep very well that night.
My mother did not deal with emotions and seemed to do everything she possibly could to avoid them. Her way of showing the love was to provide everybody with plenty of sugar; desserts and tasty meals.
The group of friends I was hiking with was, for the most part, the same people from the dream “Feeling Emotionally Disconnected Trying to Connect on Another Planet”. Perhaps the dream meaning of going through the woods is that we were trying to find our way at this stage.
These were my college friends that represent my first attempt to deal with the emotions and communication outside of the home environment independently. And, was, therefore, a big step into individuation process. Even though it was some somewhat of a failure, many of these friends were in the same boat with fathers with severe cases of PTSD and mental illnesses from that era.
I’ll cover the French village scene in the neuropsychological interpretation that follows this one eventually.
We’ve reach Patsy’s house/farm which was the stated objective. This location was also the site for the dream “Connecting Again with Humanity”. This is a personal metaphor I believe for a place where I felt a certain level of acceptance, which was rare in the developmental part of my life. The location has been the site for several other dreams.
The canned ham, already partially eaten, would have been an abomination at this event. Patsy’s husband would always slaughter a pig and have a fresh sausage available for everyone, everyone bought their best picnic delicacies such as homemade potato salad, fried chicken etc. Nothing was purchased from the store everything was homemade, especially the desserts: cakes, pies, cookies, etc.
The canned ham represents my current situation and my bad feelings regarding my current financial position where I do not have much to offer in the form of material possessions to my children and extended family. And, in fact, I have even had to turn to my older brother for financial help.
After eating, we are having a discussion and first my mother criticizes me for having the American flag flying because she thinks it’s too windy.
To me the flag in the dream represents the freedom to express emotions, which my mother viewed to be a rather dangerous past time. And based on the above example of my father’s rage she may have had a valid concern, but no doubt she was preconditioned this way to begin with. However, getting in touch with emotional issues is something she did not care for. She always viewed psychoanalysis and dream work to be a waste of time and openly express this view.
Flying the flag represents my attempt to get in touch with feelings and the emotional aspects of life, which make life worth living. Putin and the Russian forces represent the shadow or Dark side that try to shut down free thinking and open interaction. This Dark side wants to keep tight control over one’s thinking. The cold, calculating dark side seems to prefer an emotionally dead life. And the dark side, like Putin, will go to extreme measures to enforce its will. (Putin actually carried out terrorist bombings on his own people in real life to create a pretext for bombing Chechnya.)
Trying to escape from the tent represents my attempt to escape from the force of the Shadow or Dark side. My mother’s attempts to appear attractive to the guard may be my anima force trying to assist on breaking through to a more meaningful life with emotions and feelings.
A helicopter is sent in to rescue those trapped in the tent. This is interesting because it appears that my subconscious mind underestimated the size of the problem and originally used a metaphor, the chopper, which was undersized for the task. It then sends a large ocean liner and there’re masses of people climbing aboard so the size was right, however, there was no river or ocean for such a means of transportation to dock. The only water flowing through the property was a little creek named Muddy Creek, which was not large enough to support a rowboat.
Then the dream becomes a movie, which I am watching in a theater; obviously the movie is a metaphor for the dream itself. People are leaving the theater but I continue watching the credits and the movie starts again with a different story line but it is a continuation of the same plot.
It begins with the father and son driving a big rig flatbed truck down a frontage road that is parallel to the freeway. I become the son with my father in the truck and I missed the first exit. The first exit was the easy way to get on the freeway with a gradual downward sloping entrance making it a smooth transition into the main flow of traffic. This represents missing the main channels that allows one to become connected to life.
The dream meaning of the flatbed big rig could be metaphorically that we had a heavy load to carry.
I think missing the first exit’s dream meaning my is having been sent to school to young against the advice of two teachers both my kindergarten teacher and a friend of my mothers who was a grade schoolteacher both advised my mother I was too young or immature to enter the first grade. But I was sent anyway and had great difficulty with some things because as I found out much later in life I had attention deficit, which was rather severe. Plus, entering first grade at five put me behind many the children in level of maturity making it difficult to fit in. I didn’t realize this until after grade school when many of the kids I knew we’re getting drivers licenses and I was still 14, they were 16. It could, also, represent the lack of relationship with my father. A healthy father-son relationship helps one prepare for the eventual assimilation with society.
Then we get to the second exit and there is major construction going on. This construction zone represents my dream work and analytical work in trying to breakthrough the blockages and impasses, which caused my life to come to a standstill at times. Both my father and myself worked on these issues in psychoanalysis and support groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous – so we were both trying to construct a solution to avoid the traps with varying degrees of success.
We get the signal that we can precede when I head into the construction zone, which I thought ‘they’ would try to prevent us from entering. The ‘they’ here, I believe is that portion of the subconscious that allows material or insights to be move forward from a deep subconscious to a position where it might be modified consciously or further work may take place subconsciously in other dream material which I may not remembered, but may come up in future dreams when I am ready to deal with it consciously. Dreams seem to repeat certain topics until the dreamer takes some sort of conscious action on some difficulty they are facing. But, there appears to be some sort of ‘green light’ mechanism that censors some material and allows other insights be passed forward for integration into consciousness.
However, the truck breaks down again when it’s our turn to enter the freeway. The breakdown represents the breakdowns in life – impasses that caused delays in my progress. A main one was 10 years ago when I had a complete nervous or mental breakdown, which cost me several years, stuck in an impasse. However, it probably represents a more recent breakdown caused by physical injury when I pinched nerve at the top of my spine and cost me roughly 6 to 8 months of progress due to a lack of ability to sleep and being in pain much of the day which made life difficult in general – this bought a lot of my dream worked to a standstill as many followers have probably noticed because of the dearth of new dream activity. However, a recent procedure was able to relieve most of the pain and now I am trying to get back on the ‘road’.
In the dream, I spotted this crane as a solution for recovering the flag. This crane represents moving forward on my reconnecting with the spirit in my life.
However, before we get on the crane, the characters switch again and now I am the father and my son in life is my son in the dream. I begin telling my son and the construction workers the actual story of my father’s experience in the Battle of the Bulge on its opening day on December 16 1944. Retelling his actual battle experience in the dream might have two levels of interpretation.
Number one, feeling empathy for what my father had to face is a way of forgiving him for the rage and violence he expressed towards me for very natural feelings. Having an untreated case of severe PTSD made him incapable of controlling his negative emotions. I had hated my father for years wishing he were dead at times, and now I realize he did the best he could and he did not intend for these consequences.
On another level, I may be telling my own the story through identification with my father and the feeling of being overrun (overwhelmed) by negative forces cause by a bad employment situation for 22 years with corrupt authority figures in management positions topped off by a second divorce with a woman who had been sexually abused for most of her life prior to our marriage. With my unstable background plus facing intolerable working conditions and marriage dysfunction, like my father, I did not stand much of a chance to hold my ground, and a disorganized retreat was the result – total collapse.
But then I see this tall crane and see another chance to recapture the flag, which is another chance to recapture life, which is to be able to express feelings and emotions with real people – have relationships.
So, I get to the top of this crane and make an attempt to recapture the flag. This is my attempt to reach a feeling level of life through my dream work and the creation of my website.
However, I lose control of the crane/chopper right when we are about to retake the flag. This may represent the pinched nerve incident where I had been making good progress but was shoved back unexpectedly for about eight months.
Then I am catapulted into a jungle environment where Tyrannosaurus Rex attacks me. There is a part of me, the Shadow side, which does not want me to regain control. It wants me to continue clinging onto this Dark side, the negative emotions seeking revenge and in an angry lifeless world. But the spirit side continues to escape and seeks entrance into the control tower which has been covered over by jungle due to lack of use. Also, this is similar to many events in my life where instead of a smooth transition; I feel like I was just catapulted into the jungle and then have to scramble to survive while being surround by predators. T-Rex could also be my ex-boss who was definitely predatory.
After the nerve injury, perhaps the negative force gained some ground as I gave into old passive-aggressive behavior patterns. I got “pissed off” at the bad luck at a time when I was putting a lot of effort to move forward – when I am trying to overcome a lot of ‘Shit’ more shit gets slung at me – as if the Universe if working against me. The reasoning process is illogical, but real. However, I regroup, and go for the tall crane (a long shot) and continue the struggle to take control of my life.
The crane could be the act of trying to get my website off of the ground, it has been much more difficult than I had imagined. This is my solution to reach a position where I can once again feel some sense of success in my life.
A larger dinosaur eats the first Tyrannosaurus Rex I believe it was larger type T-Rex. The second T-Rex maybe the lung cancer that killed my father, and now the larger T-Rex resides in my head attempting to destroy the work I try to put together – taking my father’s old position – basically self-destructive behavior patterns. Tyranno comes from the Greek word for tyrant – and the Dark side has tyrannical power.
I’m wondering why the people in the control tower are not sending help and I know it has something to do with the grudge but somebody is holding against others. This I believe is a metaphor that I am the person in the control tower with the grudge – I hold a grudge against myself. I hold on to anger seeking revenge for past injustices, which holds me up for making true progress in life even though a part of me desires to move forward.
There are opposing forces; one side of me wants to have a happy and fulfilled life, the other side or force holds me in a negative counter position holding onto grudges and anger of past injustices. If I recovery too much, I will not be able to carry out my revenge and I have waited so long.
I want to get into the control tower but my internal Tyrannosaurus Rex is holding me in check while I am ignored by the control tower, which is myself. This leads to a standstill in my life – an impasse.
In the next scene, a half-assed attempt is made to rescue myself. The person in charge of the rescue is the main programmer from the company I work for 22 years. He was part of the corrupt management, however occasionally he could see reason because I bought it most of the sales. He was actually under orders from the president of the company not to teach me anything. He told me this when he realized my lack of knowledge on certain things was hurting my ability to self and recognized the stupidity of this order. But, he was under orders so he followed them for the most part. Knowledge is power and the management did not want me to have more than I already had.
So in my own dream, I send this guy out there to help me because this is a kind of help I am accustomed to receiving. So, I have adopted this characteristic of making half-assed attempts to get myself out of various predicaments. The rescue party is not even aware of what they’re walking into and one of the rescuers is immediately sacrificed as a result of the incompetence. Setting myself up for failure so others won’t attack me – I can do it myself.
I can see the look of terror on the rescuer’s face as he is about to be sacrificed. He is petrified, frozen with terror as his head is about to be torn off. I am all three characters in this scene, I am the doomed rescuer terrified by what is going to happen – frozen in fear – I am the executioner, the T Rex, biting heads off – and I am the witness aware of the horror that is about to ensue.
Perhaps this terror or fear applies to my being successful, so I impede my own attempts by using half-assed measures. I don’t check things out well enough and therefore I am not sure of what I am walking into.
This was the type of terror my father would instill upon me as a child as he raged with the terror that was instilled in him by the horror of such incidences as his friend’s head being blown in half, and also, T-Rex with the terror that I instill by raging when I lose control of my anger and unleash my rage – which isn’t often, but when I blow, it is out of control.
Then, I make it into the control bunker and I have survived the onslaught and rage of T Rex. I am serving food to the other survivors when a call comes in from the control tower requesting my presence. I hesitate and I’m worried about continuing the food distribution while I go to help in the control tower.
I believe this represents my sending of tweets out to followers on Twitter because I am afraid to stop this. Therefore, I don’t take the time to organize other things that I have to do on the website such as looking into AdSense and affiliate advertisers to generate income because I am not currently making it financially with my existing social security. I operate in a very disorganized environment.
However, I feel I have been remiss on adding new dream work material by trying to make do with content that exists currently. I have many other plans such as writing e-books, having partners in other countries translating dreams into foreign languages so that the dream work is available in more countries. All of this takes time away from my normal dream interpretations and I have no system of managing all these activities. No one is in the control tower.
And, this is what the dream leads to: that I have to take control in the control tower, which is why I have been summoned there while trying to feed the survivors. And as I tried to make my way to the control tower, I get stuck in lines jammed up with more survivors; these are the additional people that keep joining my follower base on Twitter, so I feel pressure to keep tweeting so that they might gain some insight on these various issues – the Alcoholics Anonymous tradition of carrying the message.
But in the end, I find a stairway that is open, which goes up to the control tower. I realize right at the end when I get to the open stairway to the control tower I will be the only one there – there is no one else inside the control center. So I have to take control and manage things to the best my ability and establish goals and the ways to accomplish them because nobody else is going to do that.
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