Recorded Circa 1978
Giant Eye Ball – Floating
This dream depicts the effects on our family of my father’s PTSD rage caused by his being a WWII combat veteran exposed to numerous acts of horror and brutality. The PTSD rage probably exacerbated my father’s alcoholism.
The Dream : There is this big eye ball – maybe 8 feet in diameter – sphere – it is moving through this village – it is causing terror – the village is like a Vietnamese village with huts with thatched roofs and dirt streets. The eye ball spews out a liquid acid of fire which burns horribly when it touches your skin. My brother and I are running from house to house and across streets so we don’t get spotted by this monster. We come across the body of a woman who is dead or wounded very badly in the middle of the street and a little girl is wandering close by. The monster starts to come and my brother and I have these little wooden swords that we plan to ambush the monster with. We are like little cartoon character creatures – not human life forms – we go to cross a street to get to another hut – but we get hit by the acid – but we make it to the hut – our skin is burning very badly – we stand there for a bit wondering what to do – there is nobody to turn to for help – feeling of real loneliness – we have only ourselves and we don’t know really what to do – we know we have been hit very badly and cannot continue our battle with the monster – that we have to run and retreat – I remember that there is an ocean close by and that the salt water might help our burns – then we are soaking in the water and it feels a lot better.
End of dream –
Psychoanalytic Dream Interpretation:
The eye ball is obviously my father – whose anger and PTSD rage terrorized our family when we were growing up. There was a horror movie in the late 50’s called the “Crawling Eye Ball” or something like that where the crawling eyeballs are most likely some form of alien or atomic mutation were crawling around terrorizing earth. I assume this is where the eyeball image came from – but also there was a general fear of being spotted around the house when my father was drunk or angry. You would catch his wrath – which could be a slap or beating for absolutely nothing – other than being there. My mother was most likely the dead person in the street – although I am sure he never hit her, but just being around all of that PTSD rage strangled one’s emotional life. Her personality – although often lively – was not her true self – but a self that was always in denial and trying to pretend everything was okay. Or the woman could have been the feminine side of myself (Jung’s anima) which if any side of this self was shown would send him into a rage – and most likely a slap or beating was to follow – to beat this quality out of us because he possessed it himself. (He was beaten by fellow soldiers in WWII when he broke down and cried at one point – he had seen a lot of action and been involved in a lot of killing, including women and children). Little girl wandering around was my sister – or once again the anima – not knowing where to go. My sister has no memories of her childhood and my brother remembers very little.
Getting burned by the acid is obviously getting caught in my father’s PTSD rage. My brother and I were always together for the most part – very little sibling rivalry between us – because we had a much larger common enemy to contend with. My sister was ten years younger than myself and my brother was 18 months older. The little swords probably represent small penises (Freudian) because we were only children and could not defend ourselves. (I once pulled a knife on on my father when he was beating my sister.) After we get burned – feeling of being lost – my mother would always say he didn’t mean it if she was there – if she wasn’t there I would never report the incidents later – just wanted it to go away. The ocean for me was probably the use of marijuana when I got to college – about 17 years old. I felt a total lift of all this anxiety the first night I got stoned – ate hash and smoked joints. My brother never smoked dope – he drank beer in college, but very little later in life- I became the addict/alcoholic and stopped using when I was 28. Also, went to therapy when I was 19 – but the marijuana provided the most immediate relief – the therapy provided the long term help – Alcoholics Anonymous provides the long term maintenance of staying sober.
End of Interpretation
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