“The Impresario” 2/27/2015 1132
In the beginning of the dream, the Impresario and a group of students are talking about the ability to sing. I know that my voice is terrible and I am afraid that someone will asked me to sing so I try to blend into the middle of the crowd so I won’t stick out.
Then, the Impresario starts to give a speech about the expertise and skill that went into creating the great hall we were gathered in. It was like a huge opera house/church. The walls and ceiling of the Opera House were painted like the Sistine Chapel (only it wasn’t broken into small sections like the Sistine). The paintings were very bright. Most of it was a white background and then the colors of clothed figures (saints and angels) on the wall were brightly colored flowing robes. The ceiling to wall intersection was a curve and there was another section – like it may have been a Romanesque shaped building – it wasn’t rectangular. It was extremely spacious and bright. There were lots of the flowing robes and gowns of bright red/ pink and blue, like you see from the art of the 12th and 13th century. I believe there were white angels with gold gilded wings at the curvature of the vaulted ceiling.
This meeting with the Impresario was taking place on the balcony of this church/opera house and we were above the main seating area which was more like that of a church – the seating area was flat not sloped like an opera house.
I noticed that there was a large machine directly beneath the balcony which really seemed to be controlling everything. It was like a large organ, a type that would have been made in the 19th century and had all types of controls and dials on it that were covered with circular glass domes with gauges that measured levels of various activities.
I was going to tell the Impresario by tapping him on the shoulder and whisper in his ear to let him know that he should mention this machine and tell the class of its control function or power. It seemed like I had an official type function with the Impresario – that I had a duty to inform him or make sure that the people were informed as to what was controlling everything. They should have the truth.
Then, I wasn’t sure whether the Impresario wasn’t aware of the machine’s power or if he was aware and did not want the people to know. Was the Impresario trying to make the people think he had the power and including himself amongst the great creators of the building and art work as if he held some special power over everything. Therefore, his intension was to cover up the knowledge of this organ and its power. He never does mention its existence.
As I was about to tap him on the shoulder and whispered to him that I thought he might want to mention the machine, I glanced over to the rest of the group for some moral support. Suddenly I was unsure of my position in the power structure. I thought the group was right next to me but when I turned around I realize they had backed off and were now a couple arms-length away as if they had some type of fear of getting too close to the Impresario. But I was standing right against him as if we were crowded in.
I had assumed everyone else was crowded around us and did not realize that there was this gap. Suddenly I became a bit apprehensive of my desire to disclose the machine’s existence to the Impresario. There was a fear of what he would do if he knew that I was aware of the machine’s power – as if I were not supposed to know about this forbidden or secret knowledge.
The scene changes and I am walking through a large walkway which goes through a woman’s dormitory which is connected to this opera house which is now apparently part of a large university. I’m feeling very positive about myself because I figured out that the machine had this power.
The woman’s dormitory is constructed of a large piece of light green jade or jadeite type of material. The entire building is one piece of a massive rock – it was a beautiful structure – it’s a piece of artwork and I am entranced by it. The pathway through, the stairways, hallways, walls and windows are all intricately carved out of this light green stone.
I see a woman, a woman I know, talking to another woman as I pass through and I say “Hi” to her as I walk by. She acknowledged me, and after I walked by she called out to me and asked me to wait, and said that she wanted to walk with me. So I stopped and was standing in the jade hallway, waiting, when the dream ended. The woman had blond hair and I could tell she was interested in me.
The Psychoanalytic Dream Interpretation
At the beginning of the dream the Impresario and the students are talking about singing, a talent which I am totally lacking. I was shamed for my inability to sing in grade school. I was actually told by a nun to just lip-synch so I did not mess up the class rehearsal. I was humiliated by this because I kept telling the nun I couldn’t sing and she stopped the whole class and made me sing solo and I was so embarrassed because of my lack of talent – it was just a humiliating the experience – everyone was laughing and in the end she told me just the lip sync because she realized I was right all along.
This happened almost 50 years ago and it’s coming up in the dream today – kind of interesting. Must have made a bit of an impression.
But, when it comes to expressing knowledge I always make sure I have all my facts lined up. I like to make sure I know what I am talking about and go to great lengths to keep current on everything. Especially topics like history and world politics. This mainly comes out of the fear that I will be attacked on issues based on misinformation or misunderstanding. I presume this fear is probably due to humiliating experiences like the aforementioned.
I think having this type or level of knowledge should draw people closer to me, however, it has the exact opposite response. When I look for support to approach the Impresario, everyone is a couple of arm’s length away and there is a sense of fear coming from them. The same fear I felt when shamed in grade school for not being able to sing. The fear of being “put on the spot.”
To compensate for having been made to feel like that–I make sure I have enough information to hold my ground at all costs. Perhaps some people think I am trying to show off or pretend like I’m better than they are when I am just trying to make sure I cannot be humiliated again. Perhaps, I unknowingly humiliate associates for not being able to understand at the level I understand something – much the same way that the nun assumed everyone could sing because she could. The particular nun that did this was actually quite nice, I liked her, things just turned out that way. Unlike my second grade nun who I still harbor deep resentment and hatred toward for humiliating me because I had a speech impediment. (Sister Eugene Mary, she gets a B____+).
I was talking with a woman one time about history, this is in real life–she had recently received her PhD in history and after talking with her for about 20 or 30 minutes she asked me where I had received my PhD. I don’t even have a under graduate degree in history. I just obsessively read history books this – could be a part of my high functioning autism – where one is intensely interested in certain topics period.
The bright colors on the wall might represent my ability to express more emotions than I was capable of in the past. Everything in the opera house is bright, open space, fresh, creative and thought-provoking – gave me a sense of being alive and free. This was a dream about creation or a freedom to have my own thoughts even though the Impresario did not want me to have them. I did have them and I knew what was going on. This was not my usual destructive mode pattern dream.
Also, the green jade – green often represents things coming to life in dreams – this was certainly the case in the “Reconnecting with Humanity” dream. My warm feelings towards a woman who has reciprocated these feelings – wants to walk with me and has let me know it – represents some positive, life affirming feelings coming back to life. The feelings that were frozen in the “Breakdown” dream are in defrost mode. This woman is “Rachel” from the “Feeling Disconnected – On Another Planet” dream.
The large machine that controls everything is the subconscious. The machine is an archaic 19th century piece of the elaborate craftsmanship, just as is the subconscious is an archaic part of our anatomy monitoring and controlling our lives sometimes in primitive mode.
If the Impresario is the ‘shadow’ or ‘diabolic’ side of the subconscious and it realizes that I (the dream ego) –have figured out the fact that this machine, the subconscious, is controlling everything, I fear some type of retribution will be forthcoming. Kind of like when Yahweh figures out that Adam and Eve have been munching on his sacred apples from the tree of life, the tree of knowledge.
Here is an interesting thought – Yahweh could be the ‘diabolic’ – the ‘old testament’ punishing god who was somewhat parsimonious with his knowledge base in the dream. Sister Eugene Mary will surely request that I be sent to ‘Hell’ for having such a thought.
This theme about the ‘diabolic’ subconscious has also appeared in previous dreams; such as the dream titled “Struggle within the Subconscious” a.k.a. “The Tale of Two Professors” where one professor represents the diabolic side of the subconscious who wants to maintain control of a presentation (the dream itself).
The ‘True Spirit’ Impresario
In both dreams, I (the dream ego) am expecting some type of collaboration with the ‘diabolic’ or ‘shadow’ side of the subconscious. But, when I turn around in the “Impresario” dream for support, I seem to be the only one under this delusion that some type of peace or agreement can be made with the ‘diabolic’ or ‘shadow side’. Everybody else is standing at two arm’s length away and seem to be aware that this is going to be an issue. I was only inches away– ready to whisper in the Impresario’s ear when I realized the disparity.
As soon as I noticed the gap, I decided to back down–I lost my innocent hope that such a union could be possible and realized that such an attempt would have been futile as I suddenly sensed and understood the fear coming from the crowd. (The crowd represents a more objective view). And, I know the Impresario would not be the type to back down or adjust his position. It was as if I felt a close bond had existed which I suddenly realize did not exist – a betrayal. Like when I first realized my ex-boss was really evil, that he was a liar and a thief and he hated that I knew more than he did in many areas.
So, I just kept the information I had about the machine to myself, however, I felt great pride in myself for having figured out the power of the machine as I walked through the green halls of the woman’s dormitory. This confidence is probably what attracted the woman in both the dream and real life.
Fifty shades of confidence and lose the riding crop.
As a note to self and life lesson – I have always had a tendency when I discover betrayals to keep them to myself and try to pretend that they do not exist when in front of the betrayer. Then slowly plot my revenge by using passive aggressive behavior. This does not work in real life – only in my fantasy world. It would have been better to confront the betrayers head-on in the long run. However, generally speaking, I did not have the strength or support systems in place at those times. Also, having the high functioning autism put some restrictions on my alternatives – although I was not aware that I had the autism, I was well aware of the fact I was a misfit.
There is another whole interpretation of this dream which parallels my 22 years of work experience where the Impresario would be my aforementioned ex-boss. Perhaps, I will add this at a later time if my Twitter followers deem it worthwhile. Leave a message in the comment section if you think another interpretation would be worth it.
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