PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder combined with Abandonment Issues

I get stuck on a helicopter during an attack, hanging from a chain ladder a few feet off the ground – my gear got caught up in the chain and I cannot go up or down. A Viet Cong soldier in black pajamas is charging at me with his AK-47 – and the chopper does not move and I am stuck out in the open – a target. I feel abandoned by my own side – left to die. Don’t understand how the VC is not hitting me with bullets and I cannot figure out why I am not hitting him with my M-16 on full automatic – he is getting closer and closer – I have to be hitting him but he keeps coming – I can’t understand it – we both have an endless supply of bullets – we both never stop firing on full automatic – how can we possibly be missing each other at such close range – we are right on top of each other, – then, I can see his face which is that volatile mixture of anger and fear, he has both the determination and resignation to kill or be killed – then he runs right through me like a ghost. I am angry at the guys in the chopper for just leaving me hanging there. “Why didn’t you pull me up?” I am shouting at the chopper which is looming above me still not moving nor making any attempt to rescue me. I am just left hanging there. Abandoned by everyone.

PTSD trap

Psychoanalytic Dream Interpretation:

Going with the Jungian approach where I am all of the characters – as the VC, I relentlessly charge and attack myself – my faults and mistakes – shortcomings. But I also attack my issues by facing them and trying to dig them up to be worked on in the dreams and in therapy. As myself being attacked, sometimes I feel like Job – continuously under attack by others and the elements, if it can go wrong, it will happen to me. As the people in the helicopter – I ignore my own plight at times – procrastinating and putting off the work I have to do to get through all of my issues. I do not take assertive action to remove myself from harmful situations.

Also, I gave my all at both my work and in my marriage, and I was abandoned by both my ex-wife and ex-employer. Serious abandonment issues – my own father did not take the time to help his sons develop – he was too wrapped up in his work and alcoholism. He seem to get angry when we asked for assistance. Then I seem to abandon myself – not taking care of my own necessities, like missing teeth and time off. I am the one controlling the chopper in the dream – so in essence – I do abandon myself.

Running through myself – it is a repetitive process – unending – the war in my head never stops – neither side seems to be able to win or lose. Part of me cannot let go of the past to let the helicopter move on and get myself out of the danger zone – so I remain stuck. But in reality I am making progress – it is just very slow and I do keep fighting, but blaming others sometimes, like the bastards in the chopper. But now I realize that I am the only one who can take action on my issues. The guilty either are gone or don’t care. It is a waste of time thinking about them. This dream theme recurs and probably will until I take vigilant action recreating my life. The dream has been allowed to come to the surface because the unconscious part of my mind sees the only way out effectively is to take total control of my own life – and forget about the past. Living in the past will keep me from ever becoming who I am really supposed to be – ergo, leaving me feeling unfulfilled or empty and angry. And, I do not intend to let this happen to me.

End of Interpretation

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