“World Annihilation vs. Self-Acceptance” 11/14/12 I let 5 days go by before I entered into computer and attempted to interpret – this is definitely something I don’t want to think about or drag out into the open. Aliens attack and start wiping out the population indiscriminately. They are killing people all around me – lot of fear – everyone is in full flight mode – there is no way to resist them – they were going at us with the same voracity which most humans kill cockroaches or ants when they infest or overrun the kitchen. I keep running but I keep getting trapped when bunches of humans try to get together for some sense of safety, but there is none – they are on top of us immediately and begin their extermination – there was nothing you could do to reason with them – nothing to do to appease them – they were just going to kill you because you existed and they did not want you to. I kept getting stuck in these clusters – but we had to just keep making a break for it – most people would get killed but I kept managing to escape.
Another guy and I came to a soccer field where people were playing soccer – then we realized these were aliens who had morphed into humans and were enjoying the sport as R&R. We snuck into the locker room and the lockers were open with their warm up suits. We put on the suits – so we could walk out without being recognized as real humans. We came to a river and a boatload of humans were being ferried to somewhere – a human fell into the water – at first I thought they would just let him drowned – but one of their guards – went over to the side and machine gunned him or her – they didn’t want to leave anything to chance – they wanted complete annihilation.
Finally, I am trapped with about 20 guys on field in front of a bridge or short tunnel with arched opening. I finally realize there is no escape – that I might as well just end it here – I might get away this time again but eventually they will get me – I was just laying on the grass – there was a scared guy next to me – he looked to me for some support because he could see that I was not scared – I tell him we can’t run anymore – our best chance was to just stay there and see what they would do. They aliens are now dressed in black Nazi uniforms – one looks at me and sees that I am not scared and tells me to relax and just look at the sun. I tell the scared guy to stay with me – our only chance now is to go along with them – everyone else makes a run for it and they are gunned down one by one. We are joined up with a column of human survivors who have been taken prisoner – one is an attractive girl who looks filled with defiance (L) – we make eye contact – she senses I am like her filled with defiance – a fighter waiting for some type of opportunity or chance to change things. We are not sure why we are being kept alive – there is no way to kill these creatures – they are impervious to any weapons we have – but we don’t have any weapons anyway. Once again most of people get spooked and make a run for it and they are gunned down. There is no way to kill them they are invincible, we are totally powerless. Then the main attack appears to be over – and they are in some type of mop up stage – it occurs to us we are being kept alive to convince those who have escaped and are hiding to come join us – but that will only mean their annihilation. We are led into a basement or dungeon with stairs made with large granite blocks – and I have the feeling they are going to kill us there. We’re going to die now – then suddenly they tell the group that I have been elected leader. The Nazi aliens shout Hail to me and give me a black thin shiny gun to dispatch anyone who gets out of line – if I don’t do this I will be killed. This gives me domination over the humans but will have no effect on the Nazis aliens. In a subsequent meeting of our group – the girl I was attracted to steps out of line – she objects to my leadership and leaves her seat on a high bench and crosses the floor to her girlfriend on a cheap plastic pool chaise lounge and sulks. I am stunned that she did this – she knew the precarious situation we were in – one false step is annihilation – and she makes this affront. I have no choice and have to kill her – I pull my gun out and walk over to the chaise lounge – the Nazis are watching to make sure I carry out my new duties – she looks up at me as if she dares me to shoot and I coldly put a bullet in her heart – just wondering what she was thinking – she knew I had no other alternative – she slumps back – her girlfriend looks away showing no emotion perhaps a little fear – knowing she could be next if she shows any sign of rejection.
The other men speak up for me – saying it had to be done – her behavior was not acceptable according to the new order.
Some type of party or celebration on bamboo barges in harbor. I am being honored for carrying out my duties –one barge starts to float away and I hop onto it to save it and realize my action might be interpreted as an attempt to escape – but the leaders realize I was only trying to save their event. They bring some prisoners up and execute them as part of the celebration – I feel a bit nauseated – and realize the extreme insensitivity of these creatures – to execute other humans at a party for us. What are they thinking? The situation was intensely stressful.
Then we are walked through a room with women who were dressed to please us. Most of the woman sitting at the bar were black women in tight cocktail dresses – and they are as disappointed as us when they see we are not black men ( racial difference)– most of them go back to sipping their drinks – and I wished the woman I shot was there. She was the only woman I wanted.
Back in the meeting room – the scared guy who I was originally captured with steps out of line – he had become a friend and I could not shoot him. I can no longer go along with the new order. I realize it is the end of my power. The guy I couldn’t shoot is elected as the new leader. At a ceremony he is made the new leader – his girlfriend is next to him and she has a white veil over her head and a new baby in her arms. I see she is power hungry and will not really back up her husband when push comes to shove. She is happy she now has power through him – and he is not particularly happy to have this power – he is still frightened. He seems to be aware of the dynamics but cannot do or say anything.
I ask the Nazi leader if I can keep my gun as a symbolic gesture for serving well and swearing allegiance to the “new leader” and promise to continue to serve them – and my request is granted – they let me keep gun because either I was going to kill myself or another human and either way it served their purpose.
I go to my room and think about suicide – I missed the girl I had shot and there was no way to bring her back – (started to wake up from dream) but still going on (Lucid Dreaming?) thought to leave note on mirror telling the new leader to escape with the baby – leave the wife behind – she will rat him out – not sure what happened, but the main dream ego/character is no longer in dream. The new leader does find the note and acts on it – I saw him finding other survivors by some creek way up in mountains – a valley with river– there were a lot of black men here – the guys the girls were looking for at the bar – they had kept running and escaped – then all the aliens suddenly left earth – I could see their spaceships taking off in mass simultaneously, they must have found a better place and just abandoned the planet.
I had that “What the F… “ feeling, they put us through all of this then just leave.
Psychoanalytic Dream Interpretation – 11/25/12
The aliens = living by the rules that strangle the spirit – most people cannot live by doing what they want – they have to sacrifice their true selves to survive in life and therefore live dead lives or only partial fulfilled half-lives. In one sense there is no escape from this – if you try to follow you dreams you might starve to death and most people think you’re crazy – either they do not believe in you or fear you will fail and get hurt (like mothers) – and there are those that wish you to fail because they have sold out and are miserable themselves and jealous of your talents that let you try to escape a half dead life.
The fear of being hunted must have been similar to the feeling the Jews had when running from the Nazis. There was no surrender, they only wanted to kill people. Also, a bit of paranoia on my part here – after having had so many people take advantage of me because of high-functioning autism, I look at everybody as attacking. Disguises in gym to escape – we have to hide our true feelings – so people cannot tell who we really are – appear normal – hide our pasts or where we came from – pretend to fit in when we feel we really don’t.
Shooting the person that fell off boat was similar to scene from “Enemy at the Gates” when Russians jumped into water out of fear and their own “leaders” gunned them down in water. The guards do not want anyone to escape – it might give the others hope – true in dream and life.
I am both the main “brave character” and the “weaker guy” looking for support that stopped running – could see the futility of trying to go on in my “sales career”. I was actually pretty good – but the “guards” – President, V.P.’s son, and ugly witch office manager (people I worked with) were jealous of my talents and used their positions to take the earnings of my effort. In 1980, when I crossed the Nevada border into California, I had less than $100, no job and was an alcoholic/addict. Five years later, I had a 4 bedroom house, two children, and a live-in maid and was putting my ex-wife through law school as we divorced. But then all the financial gains were eventually lost – primarily due to the jealously and greed of the company management.
The giving up or surrender represents my own breakdown – I could not keep running – I realize that it is hopeless– I had to find some other way – I was brave in my sales career – I kept fighting against impossible odds – Our main competitor had over 100 sales people and I was the only outside sales person for our company at times and was able to beat them a fair amount of times – and on some large deals occasionally. In fact, one of my sales saved our company from being shut down by the IRS – they were using payroll taxes to pay other vendors. Then my boss claimed it was his sales and stole half of the commission ($18,000).
Also, the breakup with my wife took the reason for struggling on out of my life. She started meeting up with one of her old classmates after her high school reunion – which she didn’t want me to go to. So, I just surrendered and let what was going to happen – happen.
Look into the sun – my boss’s way of blinding me while he stole my money and glory –maybe – lies and deceit.
Maybe it is good to break down and redirect your life at some point – especially when it gets to the point of ending your own life – it was time to change direction drastically. Refuse to go along with the “rat race” and figure out who I really am. When you are constantly pushed to achieve – do the next thing – you never have time to think about what you really want to be – especially when the people who lead you never got the chance to do so either, therefore the concept is foreign to them. To do so is considered extravagant – or self-indulgent – “you’re stepping out of line” and they cut off support as a way of getting you to step back in – “shooting the person that falls off the boat” – a good lesson for the others that think about stepping out of line.
The girl who had look of defiance that I was attracted to – most likely represents my second wife – we had both been through a lot before we met – and were still trying to survive and make the best of what was left – but we were still playing by old rules – of doing what you are supposed to do – playing traditional rolls – we were under some very tight constraints – where there was very little room or margin for error – and she stepped out of line – over using medications – was half out of it most of the time, being emotionally cruel and running around. A lot of her problems originated from her being an incest victim and she did not want to work on these issues – even though she had promised to prior to getting married, but not prior to becoming pregnant – events made it necessary for me to divulge this “family secret” to her mother – this is one meaning to coldly putting the bullet into the girl’s heart. In one way it killed her – I did not realize the consequences would be so drastic when I did so – but it proved fatal to our relationship – I grieved this action for many years after – not finding other women attractive or at least worth pursuing for close to ten years. Hence not being interested in the women that were provided for us by the aliens – just wanted the girl I shot back.
When we fall into line with the rest of those that surrendered – stop resisting and fall back into line – there is no way to stop the treadmill that chews you up and spits you out – that’s the way it has always been and will be for most people – not discovering their true spirit. Being led into basement – possibly to be killed – probably represents my suicidal tendencies that came forward after my demise – only to find that I had been elected “leader” – this was when life started to come back – the spirit within started to come alive again – that spark of life began to return – I had read Viktor Frankl’s – Man search for Meaning – a good book to read – not when you are at the depths of despair – but when you start to come out of it. Dr. Frankl makes the point that “it’s not what life has to offer you – but what you have to offer life or owe life” – raising your children, playing music or writing a book – Dr. Frankl survived the concentration camps of WWII and he was certainly familiar with the depths of despair and surviving them.
But as far as being “leader” – I am now in charge of my life – I make the decisions – don’t feel pressured to do things other people want me to do – or force me to do – I feel I have more control over my life and destiny than ever before – it is a good feeling and gives one more energy to pursue things that really interest or fulfill them. (Not so much a leader over other people) So, essentially I made myself the leader of my life in my dream – which mirrors what I have done in my own life.
The gun, also represents having some power in my life and over others – perhaps more power than I was aware – since I murdered (the spirit) of the person I loved. Got a little out of order – The other association for shooting the girl is that recently (ten years later) – have decided that there is no further use in trying to restore the relationship with my ex-wife. I have moved forward after having the breakdown and survived – and she has regressed. She is angry and rather miserable – not satisfied where her life is – but is not taking any steps to move forward – such as getting some help on the crippling effects of the incest which severely damaged her life, but she thinks she can just ignore it and pretend it was really not a big deal. In the dream she steps out of line, resenting my leadership – “telling her she needed to get help” and she ignored or resisted my efforts. (Since I wrote this, my ex-wife did start therapy.)
Perhaps, I am the alien leader also – the Nazi – who makes the decision on executing people when I decide my ex-wife is no longer worth working with and I should move on and find someone else – who I can grow with – rather than someone I have to save and take care of. In dream I realize I have no choice but to kill the girl for steeping out of line and objecting to my leadership – my hand is forced – and perhaps it has been forced for a long time, but I did not want to see it – I wanted to save her to make her well – but in reality this is never going to happen – so it is time to put a bullet in her and end the relationship for good. So, I have to be a Nazi, because nice guys don’t put bullets in people – especially people they love or had an intimate relationship with.
The other men speaking up for me saying it had to be done – is me confirming that I have made the right decision – even though I still have feelings for my ex-wife and find her attractive – I don’t want someone that is not there for me – to help me grow also.
Trying to save the barge at the party – might be trying to save relationships that are not really worth it – not only my wife – but with a company I worked for 20 years – I was always performing – and hoping that they would change their ways – that if I did well enough – the lying, stealing and deceit would stop – it never did – and the management was completely insensitive – executing others would probably have entertained them – on the other hand, their execution would probably entertain me – after all it was my dream and I organized the party including the entertainment. And there are several people who I have entertained the thought of killing – these thoughts become obsessive – and in a way are a form of mental entertainment.
The “Transformation” – When the “weaker” guy becomes the new leader, this is the passing of the old self to the new self – the old self was tough (hostile) – there was always a side of me that felt I could easily kill some people and never lose any sleep over it – it was justified in my own sense of justice, my own court – therefore, they would be legitimate kills – approved by the highest authority for me – my own conscience.
The new “leader” is not quite so sure of himself – more sensitive and acutely aware of what is going on – but feels somewhat powerless to make changes – I am unsure of myself these days – I am trying to write a book and set up another venture (this website) and I have no idea if I will be successful. In sales I always felt confident or optimistic – that I could prevail and make things happen by just showing up and taking the right steps – I inherently knew what to do – and was somewhat successful. However with my new ventures – I am out of my league – but, I like the subjects I am working on – truly enjoy them and therefore my effort is not really work ( as most people view work).
The woman who is my “bride” in my new role is perhaps a warning to me – when picking out a new mate – to make sure I am not selecting someone I can save (my usual pattern – the old knight on the white horse) or someone who just wants me for whatever it is they want to take (my first wife) – but to find someone who either shares my interests and understands me as well as I understand them – (maybe this is where the aliens come in – am I on the right planet for this)
Wanting to keep the gun as a symbolic gesture – want to hold onto my hostility or aggressiveness that was partly responsible for my success in the past – a good friend in sales referred to me as a “warrior” once, as a positive compliment, and I liked this connection. In giving up this old warrior image to do something that is more intellectual (viewed to be weak) – I still want the outward appearance of a warrior – someone to be reckoned with. However, this warrior part of me was on the verge of suicide when the dream was ending – and I was turning the power over to the new image – the more vulnerable – fragile – sensitive – personality – the side which males are generally told to deny when growing up – don’t cry, be tough, punch back and hold your ground at all costs.
I think new leader was at my door – I was wondering if he was under orders to kill me – but it made no difference since I was going to commit suicide anyway – I had no plan to defend myself even though I had a gun – I knew it was my time to go – I missed the woman I killed and wished to be with her.
Was this lucid dreaming – ? or was I just waking up – I always heard you can’t die in your dreams – so the suicide part was never carried through visually – the older personality seem to convert to the new in my room where the suicide/murder was to take place – it was unclear to me – the old personality left the suicide note to warn the new personality to keep running from these aliens – these killers of life/spirit – and to leave that wife behind – but take the child. I am currently planning to take ex-wife back to court to get more custody time – from 30% to 50% because I feel the influence of my ex-wife and her family is having a negative impact on their lives. She lives with her parents and they are the ones who raised the sexual predator brother – so this action might have evoked the taking of the child from the “evil” mother theme.
I saw a mountain valley with stream running through it and new life taking hold. It was invigorating – gave one hope for a future – and then the aliens suddenly left – it was in reality that they never really exist – we put all of these constraints on ourselves – we are always free to take up our own power and make something else out of our lives (unless the Nazis are really there).
Gun that cannot hurt Nazis/Aliens could be impotence. All’s I can do with it is hurt myself or others close to me by my anger and negative feelings.
Please excuse the “stream of conscious” punctuation. It would take a long time for me to get this in a grammatically correct format. It is what it is !
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Attention RUSSIANS !!
Russian visits to the site have risen sharply since I put the pictures from the “Battle of Kursk” on the site. I do intend to have Russian as one of the first foreign languages when I get to my multilingual phase of development. However, lack of funding is slowing this down. If you are interested in seeing this site in your language please donate and it will happen sooner. I hope to get most of the major European languages put on in 2015. From what I have heard, the ‘Google’ translate program does a fairly good job on European languages. I have not heard any positive remarks when you get outside of the European ethno-culture in regard to Google translation.
I am sure most Americans have never heard of the Battle of Kursk and do not know that the Russians did the bulk of the fighting to defeat the Nazis. Somehow, these facts got lost during the ‘Cold War” period. They should be bought back to light.
Copy Write Very Cool Dreams Company 11/14/2012