The Beautiful White Fish

Grief is the emotion that consumed my life for several years after my second marriage broke up. It was rather unexpected, as if someone had just thrown a switch, and my world turned upside down.

Dream of Grief

There is a beautiful brilliant white fish trapped in a bucket it had many flowing silk like fins and was very graceful as it swam – it was in imminent grave danger and I have try to get it out of the bucket to save it. I dip both of my hands into the water so I can pick it up gently without damaging any of its fragile white fins.

Dream Interpretation |article-2584923-1C692E9200000578-494_964x802

As I try to pick it up – it disintegrates – slipping right through my fingers – it became as the water itself and just ran through, so I ended up destroying it in the process of trying to rescue it. I was very disappointed that I was not able to save it and felt a very deep sense of guilt and grief. I realize that everyone destroys things while learning to deal with life – doctors that lose their first patients came to mind. They might have a sense of guilt even though they did everything in their power to save them.

Psychoanalytic Dream Interpretation: Dream of Grief

The beautiful white fish is… my ex-wife. She was beautiful to me and still is. We both fell deeply in love when we first met. After our second child, the relationship started to disintegrate rapidly. I was aware she had some deep childhood issues – ones which normally cause over a 90% failure rate in relationships. She was heavily abusing her medications – one month I saw two prescriptions of her medication on my bank statement – this meant she had already used the one her medical insurance covered, therefore she was taking three times the dosage the doctor had recommended. She was in a daze most of the time – claiming her seizure medications were necessary for her condition.

I tried to force her into therapy – being rather desperate I did not know what else to do. This didn’t work – the bucket (drugs and numbing out) was her safe harbor – even though it was an impasse in her life and our relationship – it could not be rushed. But I wanted to fix things immediately. I wanted to snatch her out of the bucket instantly – my poor impulse control kicked in. It would be similar to bringing up a deep sea diver to quickly – they can die of the ‘bends’ if the decompression is too rapid. I suffered deep regret and grief in dream – the same as I did in real life. I reflected in the dream that doctors must feel the same when in early practice one of their patients die – even though they did their best to save the patient given their knowledge. I wanted to save our relationship and ended up destroying it in the process doing what I thought was best.


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Photographer Credit from KP Magazine:


Fins of beauty! Stunning pictures show Siamese fighting fish apparently floating in mid-air

Photographer Visarute Angkatavanich captured the pictures using a range of lighting techniques in his studio and with crystal-clear water. The 43-year-old commerical photographer from Bangkok chose to start taking images of fish after recalling fond memories of keeping them as a child. The fish have been carefully bred for more than 120 years to create the species we see today.

All white: The 43-year-old photographer decided to turn his hand to capturing images of fish after recalling fond memories of keeping them as a child


Dysfunctional family

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehavior, and often child neglect or abuse on the part of individual parents occur continually and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions. Children sometimes grow up in such families with the understanding that such an arrangement is normal. Dysfunctional families are primarily a result of codependent adults, and may also be affected by addictions, such as substance abuse (e.g., alcohol and/or drugs), or sometimes an untreated mental illness. Dysfunctional parents may emulate or over-correct from their own dysfunctional parents. In some cases, a “child-like” parent will allow the dominant parent to abuse their children.[1]

  • Lundy Bancroft, “Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” 2002 Berkley Books, ISBN 0-399-14844-2
  • They failed to mention the Minds of Angry and Controlling Women