Mental breakdown dream is about the struggle to overcome a mental breakdown and it’s healing process. The dream connects similar patterns from my past and matches the past emotional trauma to what was currently happening in my life.
Date of Dream 8/18/2011
Dream: Mental Breakdown – Healing and Recovery
Frozen Emotions of a Mental Breakdown
It is Christmas Day – at the house I grew up in during the late 50’s and 60’s – It is snowing very hard – there is a lot of ice in the street – hard to drive cars – I was trying to move cars around – Think I left one on the Di Carlo’s lawn (next door neighbors) – many frozen ruts – I went up to Sonny’s bakery in Chillum, Maryland – to get jelly donuts.
I Don’t Want To Go To Church!
My mother wanted me to go to mass – but everyone else was staying home – Cate (my ex-wife) was there but not the kids, but she was not interacting with anyone – she was in a ‘disassociated state’ . I didn’t want to go to church – but I could not refuse – so I was looking for an excuse. I had to go on my bike – I was riding up the street and it was very difficult getting up to Riggs Road because of ice and frozen ruts. But at Riggs Road there was a flood of water mixed with ice – slush: the water came over the bicycle tire – and I headed back home and told my mother I couldn’t go to church because of the snow and flooding, it was too difficult.
Jelly Donuts and Disruption
I was thinking about the jelly donuts when I got back. My Great Aunt Dorothy was sleeping in bed next to bed where I was taking a rest – my mother starts yelling upstairs and my brother was also making some kind of racket. I am upset because they are not worried about waking Aunt Dorothy up.
Emotions Start to Re-emerge
Then the weather suddenly warmed up and the snow started to melt rapidly – the water in the street gutters was warm it had heated up so quickly. For some reason, I am up at the corner of Riggs and East-West Highway a little over a mile away. Then I feel the water in the gutter, I am suddenly barefooted standing in a stream of warm running water – it really felt good and soothing.
The Swing – Simultaneous Feelings of Elation and Fear
I took a walk to this place with a large chain link fence – like a large backstop – but I was swinging on something that took me higher and higher – I keep thinking I was going to hit the fence – as I went higher, but I never did – my mother was there and she was critical of me swinging so high.
Breaking the Chains
I could see an island out in the middle of a bay when the pendulous motion reached its peak and I wanted to continue swinging higher so I could see out in the bay, but at the same time fearful of going too high. A rocky mound climbed high out of the water – like old castle ruins – people had managed to climb way up to the top of the rocks – and I was wishing I could do that. When I told my mother, I wanted to do that – she made some type of negative inference that I either could not do it – or shouldn’t bother trying, as if it wasn’t worth the effort.
The Music Scene
Then, we are walking down a pathway and someone is selling music – tapes with sheet music so you can play the tunes yourself – and I think of buying a tune – I feel like I can learn the tune because I know how to read music. But I am rushed, so I don’t buy it and feel I lost out on something that was meaningful.
Feet Get Glued to Floor – Mental Breakdown
Then, I am leaving a restaurant with my old friend Henry from graduate school and some people are also trying enter the restaurant. But, I cannot move out of their way and I am blocking them – I can’t step over some obstacle – a box that was like a sales display – my feet are as if they are glued to the ground – they weigh a hundred pound each – I know I must move. So, I lunge my body forward – hoping to clear the obstacle – I woke up physically trying to lunge my body forward.
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See why Ice and Snow represent ‘frozen emotions’ – result of Complex PTSD.
Depicts how personality development is a combination of environment and genetic factors.
Copy Right @ Very Cool Dreams Company September 10, 2011