Attention Deficit and the Chariot Race
Dream – 7-12-2017
Attention Deficit Dream – Introduction
Attention deficit dream is an amusing piece where attention deficit is overcome in a chariot race when one of the horses must run backwards after hitching to its chariot in the reverse direction. The dream is mainly about my children, of whom three of the four have attention deficit.
All photos are from Wikimedia
Trip to New York City
I am traveling to New York City and I am aware that a hotel reservation has already been made.
I am expecting to meet up with my son or I discovered he was going to be there after I had made plans to go.
Somehow, two rooms are reserved for the one night – I realized too late to cancel one and I had wasted $300 on the extra room. I felt bad about it – stupidly wasteful. Money was tight or a problem.
New Part of City
Huge city – I am in a new part or more expensive part with fancier hotels and department stores than I recalled from previous trips. I had been there many times in past – but it had changed drastically.
I am in the hotel lobby when a machine outside the hotel starts spitting money – large silver coins – onto floor of hotel. Everyone, including myself, is scrambling for them – I managed to collect a bunch of them, 60 or 80, but it did not seem to be enough to make up for my loss.
Hotel bellman – elderly AfroAmerican gentleman collects a few coins, but he left and had to leave his money alone, but I made sure it was protected for him. Also, a woman’s purse is lying on the floor – I leave it there and then she comes up and realizes I had watched it for her.
Circus Maximus in Hotel Basement
I enter a doorway going into the hotel’s basement which opens to the top deck of a huge arena – there are chariot races taking place, like in a Roman arena 2,000 years ago. Then, I realize I have a chariot in the race. I am suddenly transported from the top deck to the floor of the arena where the chariots are getting into position.
Horse with Attention Deficit
My chariot is getting ready and I am getting the four horses into position – the first three are beautiful white horses and they are in position. The fourth horse comes up and gets into position facing the chariot and I realize that I must turn him around to get him to back into his position facing forward. I try to reposition him, he bucks and jumps up – he was black or dark brown and very powerful.
However, it is too late to fix the situation – as soon as he gets up to the chariot, the chariot takes off with the 4th horse facing backwards.
The focus was on the four horses, I do not recall there being a charioteer – it was on auto-pilot. I stood watching from the place where I tried to position them.
I fear it is going to be a disaster, a horse cannot run backwards. I felt a sense of panic.
But being backwards does not affect his stride, my team of horses is doing very well racing with the other chariots and my team takes the lead and wins. I was shocked and surprised at how this could have happened.
I was afraid that my team would be disqualified for violating rules, but it was okay – no one objected because it should have been a disadvantage.
Victory, Despite Attention Deficit
I am amazed and the horse that ran backwards takes the lead position in the victory lap – running ahead of the rest of the team as the crowd cheers him. It was in a basement, but the top of the stadium appeared to go up to the sky. The iron work at the top was exquisite just like the old stadiums I recall in the late 1950s.
Searching for Relationship
There was a woman outside the hotel that looked at me – she was a thick – middle aged – I felt some sort of attraction – then she is at top of stairs leading to the colosseum – we meet – I got the feeling she was a prostitute – I reject her, but don’t want her to feel bad, so I kiss her on the neck or side of head.
I was cognizant that I did not want to just have a relationship just for sex, but was searching for someone that really interested me, therefore only wanted to consider options that have a very long-term potential.
Wanting to Communicate with My Son
Then, I am entering a restaurant – stairs with water streaming down the steps for special effects – employee’s looking to see if I was impressed – I comment that there are similar stairs in Las Vegas – I recall the one’s in Las Vegas having more water running down them, but your feet would not get wet.
Restaurant was more like a grill or café, less than I expected – we find a table in the back – everything was full – sit down with my son, Andrew.
Then a friend of Andrew’s comes in who has a drinking problem – this friend’s probation officer is there and Andrew must sit at another table with his friend – I must order alcohol so his friend can have it – if it is done this way the probation officer is okay with it. I end up sitting at the table with one of my daughters, not Andrew, and I wanted to talk with him – I felt a feeling of longing to connect on some deeper plane.
Then I am walking across a bridge with Andrew explaining something about life – toward old part of city – where I had the 1st hotel reservation – then thought I could still cancel it – so as not to lose the money
Psychoanalytic Dream Interpretation – Attention Deficit at the Chariot Races
Trip to New York City
My son moved to NYC a little over a year ago and it now appears he will be staying there for the foreseeable future; therefore, I have been tentatively planning to go there. When I had traveled for business in the past, I would often arrange to spend a weekend in NYC.
A Different New York City
The NYC that I visited when I was working versus the NYC I perceive now that my son is the one who is employed. The torch has passed. (Unrelated to dream – after I had dream I noticed that both the Carnegie Deli and Stage Deli have closed. These were regular stopping places for me when I stayed in Times Square.)
The new hotels and buildings looked more magnificent, everything had been upgraded – it looked more expensive which intensified my financial fears.
Worrying about overbooking a hotel room possibly represents my wasteful bungling of my medical benefits due to misunderstandings and lack of explanation given by agencies that handle the administration. They don’t exactly go out of their way to inform people of their benefits, especially for mental health. And, if you have difficulties in this area, I get the feeling they really wish you were not there.
Thinking money is going to just come from somewhere! – delusional thinking! Although got a call from a woman who put me on a better plan for Medicare that got me back on track with a better plan. I wasted money not knowing how medical plans worked – also afraid to ask for help – or ashamed to have to ask – like I should have been able to handle it.
Part of the problem is wanting to deny myself that I really have problems, therefore, I will stop taking medicines which generally does not lead to positive consequences.
Machine Spitting Money
This machine started to spit out money. This may represent a better medical plan that I was recently told about. I received a cold call, on the phone where I woman enrolled me in a better plan than I was on. The woman was very knowledgeable and taught me more than anybody about how the plans were supposed to work. She was with a private consulting group that worked with the major insurance companies. This has helped me a bit, but did not make up for the losses incurred from time I had the mental breakdown.
Protecting the Coins and Purse of Others
Interpretation – People have suggested I write a book like 5 Easy steps where dreams can change your life – but I will not do this – I feel it is unethical – there are no easy steps to do anything!
Circus Maximus in Basement of Hotel
The hotel’s basement could be subconscious or unconscious. It is really a big world down there – “way, way down inside”.
At first, I was shocked to find a Roman arena in the basement, then, I discover I have a chariot running in the race. Perhaps this is my coming to a clearer realization that my children are becoming more independent and can make their way in the world.
I always felt responsible for their success in the world and tried to influence them through constantly educating them and working with them on their school work, etc. Although, my son surpassed me long ago with his going to law school, somehow, I still feel I need to be there to advise him on how to deal with situations.
Attention Deficit – Positioning of Horses on Chariot
The succession of events from entering the basement to being on the floor of the arena was very rapid, there was never any time to think things over. I am suddenly on the floor of the arena; the first three beautiful white horses are already in position when the fourth horse runs into his harness backward and is facing the chariot. The rapid sequence of events may represent how quickly time passes when raising children – ‘the blink of an eye’.
My first thought after the dream was that the horse getting into position backward represented me and my attention deficit. Then upon further reflection, realizing there were four horses and that I have four children, I concluded that the fourth horse represented my son. He, also, has attention deficit. He started school in ‘Special Education’ because of a speech problem where he could not talk until he was almost five years old. I can still vividly recall buckling him into his seat on the little bus that would pick him up at 7:30 am when he was 3 and 4 years old. Getting him into position.
Often in dreams, a single character represents multiple concepts and the horse may represent both my son and myself having attention deficit – having to face life in some rather untenable positions.
My three daughters have already lined up and are on track in life (for the time being)– my son was still finding his way for the past several years.
In the dream, I must reposition the horse and then get him to back in properly to race. I think I should control it. However, I am no longer in control, the chariot just takes off with the 4th horse running backwards. My time for controlling and influencing his and their lives is coming to an end.
And, it becomes quickly apparent that they can do it on their own. All my horses perform very well, even the one who must run backwards. And, of course they win the race and the 4th horse leads in the ‘victory’ lap. Ostensibly, since this is all taking place in my head – it is I who am cheering, celebrating my children’s victory, especially my son’s because he just obtained employment with a very prestigious law firm in New York.
Again, I believe the horse getting in backwards represents having attention deficit – I have it and 3 out of my four children have attention deficit. Despite the difficulties attention deficit has created, each one of us seems to have overcome many of the obstacles. My oldest daughter just started a consulting company in Los Angeles and my two younger daughters are honor students in high school and both are on the varsity tennis team. Long live Adderall !
Possible Source of Metaphor where Horses are My Children
In the 1959 version of Ben Hur, the owner of the team of horses which Ben Hur races refers to his horses as his ‘children’. This connection could be the source of my unconscious for picking the chariot horses to represent my children in the dream. Maybe? Who knows?
Perhaps there is no charioteer because I did not drive or push my children, just merely tried to awaken their natural talents through encouragement and trying to set a good example despite some rather extreme obstacles. I enabled them to run on their own. I watch the race from the position where I stood trying to get everyone into position. (Or, maybe with attention deficit, I just forgot that I was supposed to drive 😊 )
Knowing the difficulties, I had, I had a fear that the inherited mental problems would have held them back. My focus was trying not to be a deterrent. Not to slow them down with my baggage – resisting addiction and being an example of how to overcome things, I pointed out to them how I had to read things three or four times to comprehend something if I really wanted to understand a subject.
Searching for a Woman in the Crowd
With all this other action taking place, I still seem to have my eye open for finding a relationship with a woman. The woman I spot and kiss on the neck is the same woman from the dream “Connecting with Humanity”. The woman was a neighbor who I had become friends with over time, and although I had feelings for her, I felt her past and limited ability to comprehend some of my interests were a deterrent for pursuing this avenue to escape my loneliness – so I chose to continue searching.
Wanting to Communicate with My Son
Then, I am entering a restaurant – stairs with water streaming down the steps for special effects. Generally, water is a metaphor for emotional content, and I am looking for a deep hearted discussion with my son. Perhaps the restaurants employee’s wanting to know if I was impressed is me wondering if the quality of the contact with my son will be to my satisfaction.
Las Vegas seems to have the upper hand when it comes to a sense of awe – and they often tend to do this with water displays. I have been there at least 50 times, mostly on business trips and never ceased to be amazed with their attractions. So, perhaps, I am anticipating something more spectacular than is possible or even real. It was interesting that your feet did not get wet in the stair water falls in Las Vegas– as if maybe to really feel things would be too much to handle.
Restaurant was more like a grill or café, less than I expected – we find a table in the back – everything was full. On the last several trips when my son was in town his time was very limited – he had to split his time with my ex-wife and others. Plus, I usually try to include my younger daughters, his half-sisters, into the visit to keep everybody closer. So, you can see the restaurant is very crowded.
Then a friend of Andrew’s comes in who has a drinking problem – this friend’s probation officer is there also. The alcoholic friend might be one of several character’s. My son must deal with his alcoholic mother and step-father when he is in town.
Plus, for the past 6 month’s I have been trying to help an alcoholic who is about my son’s age – he is living in my apartment and attempts to get him sober are failing. He is not supposed to drink here, but he does. I apply the older AA thinking where someone is not finished until they are ready, you really cannot force someone to quit. The time it takes dealing with him, deceases my time with my other children. However, he is planning on moving out soon now that he finally got a job.
The probation officer is most likely my other roommate whose idea it was to have the alcoholic move in – but it did not work out like anyone planned. But now, it is this roommate who I spend most of the time with his complaining about the behavior of the alcoholic which he does not understand.
I end up sitting at the table with one of my daughters all who I see on a regular basis, not my son, and I wanted to talk with him – I felt that feeling from Jim Croce’s song “Cat in the Cradle”. In this song, the father and son are each waiting to have some special time together. When the son is young, the father is too busy working and traveling to survive – and when the father gets older and finally has time, the son is too busy engaged in trying to make it in the world.
Then I am walking across a bridge with Andrew explaining something about life – toward old part of city – where I had the 1st hotel reservation – then thought I could still cancel it – so as not to lose the money. Still feeling the need to advise while dealing with financial problems.
All Pictures are from Wikimedia
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